Going sober
The concept of ‘going-sober’ is a relatively new one for me. Drinking has always been a very normal, very common, very integral part of my socialisation. From a young age, alcohol has been tightly woven into my experience of any party and more recently, dance music events and festivals.
Like a lot of people, my first taste of being drunk was an awakening to a crazy tool that lessened my anxieties around new (and if we’re being honest) old friends. I could go to parties, drink alcohol, and suddenly feel incredibly comfortable, confident and at ease - which felt rather alien in those late, self-conscious teen years. As someone who loves people, alcohol appeared to be a magical elixir that brought a guard down, fast tracked friendship and catalysed deep bonds. As someone who loves dancing, it dulled and muddied the acute self-conscious awareness of how my body moves and how it is perceived.
Of course, letting that guard down also meant saying some things best left unsaid, or acting in a way that I preferred to forget the next day. And the hangovers!!??! I’m fortunate that my relationship to alcohol has never been ‘unhealthy’, but I know the steep, slippery sliding scale, and I’ve spent many a night (and many a day, and many a wedding) at various points on that scale. So it’s important to note that this article won’t be addressing the spiky sides of drinking like addiction, nor is it aiming to cast judgement on your drinking habits, but rather for those of us out there who are simply sober-curious.
Diet coke and deep thoughts
Sober has two definitions - it describes both a state; ‘not affected by alcohol; not drunk’ and a feeling; ‘serious, sensible and solemn.’ My aim here is to begin to untangle those definitions. To unravel the discoveries and joys of how a day-party or night out can evolve in new ways, when alcohol is deduced from the equation. Exploring what it looks (and feels like) to take to the d-floor sober.
For some curious reason, over the past year, my path has crossed with a collective of incredible sober girls. One of whom was the inspiration for trying out my first festival sober. Diet coke in hand, she told me of her cure for ridding yourself of the ‘Sunday scaries’ and creating deeper, more memorable relationships on the d-floor. I’ve already said it, I love people, so that part really caught my attention.
Watching these women navigate nightlife without alcohol sparked a question in me: What does alcohol actually do for me? And what doesn’t it? I began to realise I was drinking not out of desire, but by default. Because that’s just what you do. What I’ve always done. Yes, I had my reservations - fears about missing out and losing that social ‘edge.’ Would I lose that ‘I-can-talk-to-anyone’ feeling? Stop being able to party? How would a night unfold if alcohol was no longer in the equation?
Why try sober?
Choosing to try sober will have different reasons for everyone. For physical or mental health, for the sake of our sleep, the sake of our work or our relationships, or just out of sheer curiosity.
Alcohol is an incredible numbing agent and when feeling vulnerable or unsettled, it’s easy to welcome that delicious, loss of clarity summoned by alcohol. Just as alcohol can heighten some experiences, it may limit others. Being drunk has sometimes meant a night ends early; I either needed to go home, or I might as well have gone home because it all became a blur I can't remember. Physical (and mental) after effects easily roll into the next day, and sometimes the next week.
However, restriction (and wanting rid of hangovers) doesn't need to be the starting point. For some, there's simply a curiosity in experiencing a party, a night out or a festival, in a new way - how does this experience feel without don-ing my cloak of drunk?
Personally, the realisation that alcohol is not magic, and does not change my personality was something I wanted to explore. Alcohol made me less ‘self conscious.’ I liked that girl and what I came to see is that girl is not separate from me. The chemicals that mixed in my bloodstream did not make me a different human. So how could I continue to channel I-can-talk-to-anyone Laura, bald sober…?
Breaking the stigma
A very common barrier to someone even trialling sobriety is often an initial element of embarrassment or fear around attending an event without the booze. Drinking makes us relatable, and there’s an assumption that if you’re not drinking either:
- there is something terribly wrong with you or with your relationship to alcohol or
- you’re a bore (and maybe a little bit weird)
In reality, I’ve only ever been met with gentle curiosity in my sober choices. It appears that views on sobriety are shifting - being sober is becoming the hot topic and more prevalent in many social circles. Although sometimes you can feel alone, I can guarantee, out on that dance floor, is a sober sibling.
Why stay sober?
Last year, I committed to going sober to the occasional event. A step that I initially assumed would only impact my Sundays quickly became a rich experience of new encounters, new revelations and new connections. Speaking with my sober-siblings, I can say they’ve also uncovered the richness of booze-free, even if it’s just a one off.
Yes, practically, things like money is saved (on alcohol…. or taxi fares - sobriety gets you extra points for saving your mates the taxi line and getting you all home in no time). But more than that, something far deeper emerged. Alcohol often dulls our ability to be and remain present; in its absence, connection and experiences are felt with extreme clarity. Conversations become richer and more memorable (or you can just straight up remember them). You’re able to truly be there — with your friends, with the music, with yourself. One friend shared that sobriety let her “feel how I was meant to be feeling.” A new ability to notice the intricacies of your body in the dance, to know and understand when you’re tired or energised, connected or disconnected, sad or happy, and everything in between — rather than being swept away by the alcohol haze.
Top tips:
So if you’ve finished reading and thought ‘hey, you know what, that sounds kinda up my alley, I think I wanna get me some of this sober action,’ I’ve collated some of mine (and my sober siblings) top-tips on hitting the d-floor minus the booze:
- Snacks - a must. A cereal bar is often my go to. Small, compact, high energy. I guarantee you’ll be the envy of the dance-floor, everyone's always very jealous. Take a spare, share the love. You’ll be the highlight of someone's night.
- Caffeine - 2 coffees have seen me through till 8am. Honestly, it's powerful stuff. Don’t like coffee? Me and a friend have done a whole festival on VOOST Energy. They dissolve in water, and often have the added benefits of electrolytes, so you’ll stay wonderfully, enviously hydrated.
- Comfort is key - Remember what your mum always said? Well she’s right - stay warm by taking an extra layer (being sober means no more the beer jacket) and wear supportive shoes.
- Feel it out - Alcohol has this crazy ability to remove us from our bodies. Being sober means you have clarity like never before - this is your superpower. Hungry? Have a snack. Tired? Maybe you need a sit down, or maybe it’s actually time to go home
- Don’t compare - it’s easy (and ok) to feel fomo when you’re sober; to feel out of the loop of a drunken side-quest, or an inability to connect into the level of silliness that occurs. You might miss some crazy afters, but look, nothing ever good happens between 4am-6am.
- Why are you here? - you might find out that you don’t actually enjoy the music or events you attend drunk. That’s ok. Find what you love, or the reason. It might be a new genre, it might be a group of people. Discover your new reason why.
- Lean in - sounds odd, but sometimes you’ve just got to pretend you're drunk, or align yourself with that energy. Allow yourself to be all kinds of silly - no one is looking at you (and even if they are, they probably won’t remember).
- Find a sober sibling - I promise you they’re out there. Sobriety is easier in numbers. You might feel out of the drunk loop, but you can create your own.
- Go home - had enough? Go home. It's so key to accept that you may not be on the same level as others and might not stay up as late (… or maybe, 2 coffees down, you can?) Permission to leave is a real shift in mindset, but a vital one. Plus, remember how good you’ll feel tomorrow.
- Change your mind - even if you went out with the intention of being sober, you don’t have to leave an event sober. Don’t be too harsh on yourself, see it as an experiment. My friend summed it up beautifully; ‘I think even being 50% more sober has the benefits of being 100% sober.’
So I encourage you, give it a go. It doesn't have to be forever, it doesn't have to be final, but it can be fun. I’m still excitedly continuing to unpack what sobriety means to me (and enjoying a glass of wine at dinner and Prosecco at a wedding).
I end on this - a gorgeous reflection from a gorgeous friend:
‘It was super incredible to also become aware of how many other people were also not drinking, additional proof of how much fun can be had without it. Almost more because it’s so real.’
So if you try sober, you’re not alone. I wish you all the best, sober-sibling, and hope you get that glimpse of real.
